Research-Backed Ways to Save Your Marriage and Avoid Divorce
In their newest book, three 91桃色 psychology professors break down how to avoid divorce using the basics of happy, communicative relationships.
Need a wedding gift for a happy couple in your life?听
Well, look no further鈥攑sychology professor Galena Rhoades has the perfect idea: her latest book, 鈥淔ighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Building a Lasting Love.鈥
The idea of 鈥減reventing divorce鈥 and 鈥渇ighting for your marriage鈥 before it has even begun may seem like putting the cart before the horse, but Rhoades likens the book to a 鈥渉ow-to鈥 handbook for relationships.
鈥淲e use manuals for just about everything we do, right?鈥 she says. 鈥淲e start doing a job, we get an employee handbook. We get pregnant, we read some books about what it means to be pregnant and what delivery is going to be like and what having a newborn is going to be like. We have kids, we read books on parenting, right? This is another manual that people can use.鈥
Co-written with fellow 91桃色 psychology faculty Howard Markman and Scott Stanley, the fourth edition of 鈥淔ighting for Your Marriage鈥 is geared toward couples at any stage of a relationship, Rhoades says.听
鈥淲hether they've just started a committed relationship; they're about to get married; they've been married for some time; they have young kids, they have older kids; they're empty nesters鈥攖hese are skills and tools that people can use, regardless,鈥 she says.
The book covers topics ranging from 鈥渢alking without fighting鈥 and 鈥渟taying friends and having fun鈥 to 鈥渢he magical art of touch鈥 and 鈥渃ommitment in an ever-changing world.鈥澨
鈥淎ll of us are couples therapists, and we have seen so many couples who feel like they're at the end, that they don't have any hope left,鈥 Rhoades says. 鈥淎nd these are exactly the kind of skills that can really turn things around for a couple if they are really struggling.鈥
One of the chapters, 鈥淕round Rules for a Great Relationship,鈥 contains advice about making decisions on how to operate together, as a couple.
鈥淭hose ground rules would be things like using good communication skills鈥攄eciding to take a timeout when things get kind of heated and come back to that discussion,鈥 Rhoades says. 鈥淪ome couples might decide on some positive ground rules too, like, 鈥榃e will devote time to being friends and going on dates together.鈥欌
In part, the advice in the book is based on the PREP鈥斺攁pproach, developed by Markman and Stanley and maintained by Rhoades over the last several decades. PREP is an evidence-backed collection of resources for educators, programs and therapists to help people have happy and healthy relationships.
The 鈥淧鈥 in PREP鈥斺減revention鈥濃攊s a key aspect of the program, Rhoades says, and something that the book touches on as well.
鈥淲e come from a prevention perspective; these kinds of skills are really helpful when you're doing well, because they then give you the foundation for times that you disagree, when you go through rough periods,鈥 she says. 鈥淲ith these tools, people are able to fall back on a foundation of really strong relationship skills, to be able to navigate those kinds of difficult periods and really weather the storms that come in any marriage.鈥
Rhoades says it鈥檚 never too late to learn the skills that help prevent conflict in relationships.
鈥淭hese are things that we would like everybody to know as they're starting a relationship, starting a marriage,鈥 she says. 鈥淭hey are also things that people can learn later on when they're in a marriage that's going well or when they're in a marriage where they're feeling kind of disconnected. Maybe you've been married 10 years. Maybe you've been married 40 years. These are still skills that are applicable to any stage.鈥
The most important tool in maintaining a healthy coupling, Rhoades says, is being intentional with the decisions you make together鈥攁nd separately鈥攁bout your relationship.
鈥淭his [book] is the best wedding present,鈥 she says. 鈥淏ecause everybody should learn these skills and develop those ground rules for how they want things to go in their marriage, and it will, as we know from research, lead to better experiences together.鈥

